A Stitch in Time
by dangerkitty
Summary: Bella, dissatisfied with the way her life has turned out, says a desperate prayer for help. When she finds herself transported back in time as a teenager, will she make the same decisions or will new ones take her future for a twist?
1. A Desperate Prayer

Author's Chapter Notes:

Please forgive me for the cryptic start. It will get better, and less depressing. I hope :)

As always, Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.

BPOV

"Mommy! I need some candy, Mommy!"

"No, Jacob, we've had this talk. No more candy today. You've had enough."

That was all it took to turn my adorable three-year-old son into a screaming demon child. By seven thirty every evening he seemed to be on the cusp of a meltdown and any little thing would set him off. Today was no different. I reached down to scoop him up in my arms, attempting to quell the fit that had him gasping for breath. Finally, after holding his head down on my shoulder and humming his favorite lullaby he calmed down enough that I could talk to him.

"Honey, it's time for bed. Let's go get your bath and put your jammies on, ok?" I braced myself for another onslaught of tears, but the poor little guy just laid his head back down as I carried him to his room.

"Mike?" I hollered from Jacob's room to where my husband was sprawled out on the couch in the living room. "Will you start a bath for Jacob while I get him out of his clothes?" I knew it was too much for me to expect him to get his lazy ass up and help me with the baby, but for some reason I never gave up the fight.

"You're up. You can do it," he yelled back at me. I could just picture him in my mind's eye. Laying there in his underwear, stretched out on the couch with the remote in his hand, completely clueless that I was about to lose my mind from his lack of help in our life.

Frustrated, I stripped Jacob down and carried him to the bathroom, his little face red and tear streaked. I sat him on his potty stool as I bent to turn the water on for his bath. He was still sniffling when I helped him into the tub, but soon he was talking and laughing as the warm water eased his rollercoaster emotions. When he was done, I anticipated another fight to get him out of the tub, but it seemed the little guy was exhausted and didn't argue with me as I dried him off and got him in his pajamas. I followed him to his room and helped him get into his big boy bed. We said our prayers and I sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" to him as was our custom. I kissed his sweet little mouth and said "I love you" to him before closing his bedroom door.

Seven forty five. I still had three hours before I could go to bed and that was not nearly enough time to accomplish everything I needed. I scooped up the ever-growing pile of laundry that had accumulated in the hall outside the bathroom door and headed for the laundry room, dropping it unceremoniously in a heap in the middle of the floor. I pulled out a load of Jacob's clothes and added a few of my work blouses to it and started the washer.

With the laundry going, I went to the kitchen to clean up the dishes from dinner and to prep the vegetables for tomorrow night's roast. Having to work full time meant that by the time I got home I was exhausted and it would take too long to prepare a meal. As a result, I did what I could the night before so all I would have to do is throw the ingredients in a pan and cook. It wasn't ideal, but then my life wasn't, either.

With the roast browned and the veggies peeled and chopped, I swept the kitchen and ran my trusty Swiffer mop over it once. I fed and watered the dog, then took her out for her nightly walk around the block. When I got back, I noticed that Mike had been up as there was now an empty ice cream carton in the sink and a bowl and spoon on the counter where it would undoubtedly summon another trail of ants to make my kitchen their home. Again. Why the man couldn't clean up after himself at thirty-five years old was beyond me. And the fact that he would rather throw his trash in the sink than the trash can that was beside the sink was just one of the many things that pissed me off about my life lately.

I picked up the discarded carton and put it in the trash can, then washed his bowl and spoon. It seemed that Mike had not been able to do the one chore he had agreed to do for me and take the trash out. With a resigned sigh, I pulled the bag up and tied it, slipped my shoes back on and took the bag out to the Herby Curby. Remembering that tomorrow was trash pickup day and knowing that Mike wouldn't bother setting it by the street, I wheeled the monstrous trash can to the curb.

Back in the house, the washer had stopped, so I moved the clothes into the dryer and started another load. I made myself a Diet Coke and went in the living room to rest my feet for a minute before taking a shower. Mike was passed out on the couch, snoring softly, the TV blaring some show about a repo company and their 'adventures.' Looking at the man I married, I was disgusted yet again. His job was hard – he was a mechanic and during the summers in Arizona the heat was perilous in the metal building where he worked. I knew he was dog-tired when he got home and I didn't hold that against him, really. But I also worked an eight hour job. In his eyes, the fact that I worked in an air conditioned office at a desk meant that I had it easy. Maybe I did, physically, compared to him. But, being in an office with thirteen women who are catty and petty put a strain on my emotions to the point that I often just wanted to scream at them all to grow up.

My Coke gone, I got up and went to the bathroom to shower. The washer had quit filling so I didn't have to worry about the water running cold on me if I could finish before the rinse cycle began. I undressed quickly and got under the hot spray. Tonight, even the normally relaxing shower of warm water and the scent of my favorite shower gel couldn't ease the tension I felt and the unhappiness that had been steadily building.

As I dried off, I caught sight of my reflection in the foggy mirror and was struck by a fear so gripping that I swear my heart stopped. I was getting old and my life was going nowhere. Gone was the pretty girl that I used to be, with the nice figure and the outgoing personality. She had been replaced by an overweight, middle-aged woman whose life was just depressing. _How did I get here?_

I pulled my favorite t-shirt on and put my wet hair up in a drippy pony tail, then went to hang the dry laundry up and put the other load in the dryer. After putting the clothes away I woke Mike up and made him go to bed, turned the TV and the lights off and made the rounds through the house to make sure the doors were locked and everything secure. When I got to my room, Mike was sound asleep again, snoring loudly this time, the covers wrapped around him as he sprawled his large flabby frame across two-thirds of the queen sized bed we shared.

I got to my knees at the side of our bed and prayed a desperate prayer to God, or whoever else would listen, to help me. I was lost and I needed a way to get my life back on track. I was fraught with the feeling that my life was a bottomless pit and that there was no bright light in the future. I felt silent tears stream down my face as I begged for some relief to the absence of hope in my heart.

Completely drained and emotionally fatigued, I fell into bed and promptly slipped into the darkness.


	2. Back in Time

**AN: The dates in this story are a little off, but don't flame me – I'm doing it on purpose. This story is based, in large part, on events of my life. I was in ninth grade when the events described took place, but for the sake of saving you, my readers, from the sordid details of all four years of my high school life, I'm moving them up to eleventh grade. Therefore, Desert Storm is actually starting in 1991 instead of ending there. Forgive me the poetic license.**

*******

The morning light shone brightly through my closed eyelids. I felt a groan escape me as I rolled over, eyes squinted tightly closed, seeking out the familiar warmth of Jacob's little body pressed against me. Even though he was three, he still didn't sleep through the night. Invariably, he would come into our room at night and snuggle his way in between Mike and me, resting his little head in the crook of my elbow and burrowing his frosty toes down under the waistband of Mike's underwear. This time, however, there was no little boy to nuzzle, and the sheets were devoid of any body heat. I patted my hand over toward Mike's side of the bed and again found nothing.

I slowly opened my eyes, still all but blinded by the bright light. Even without my sight fully restored, it didn't take but a minute for me to realize that I wasn't in my bedroom. Well, I was, but it was the wrong one. Instead of the room I shared with Mike, I found myself in the room that had been my haven during high school. At first, I thought maybe I had come home to visit and was temporarily out of sorts from the change, but then I realized that the walls were the same, the bedspread was the same, even the smells were the same. I remembered distinctly that Renee had wallpapered my room after I moved out to cover up the black footprints that I had so painstakingly painted as a border my senior year of high school. I used enamel so regular paint wouldn't cover it. However, here I was in that same room, but pre-footprints and pre-wallpaper. Weird. Surely I hadn't dreamed that hideous orange-flowered wallpaper?

I sat up in the bed, having to force my body to respond, and made my way to the hallway at the top of the stairs that led from the bedrooms down to the living area of the house. I could hear voices talking over the sound of sizzling bacon. Nothing out of the ordinary, so I listened to see if I could pick out the sound of Mike or Jacob. After a minute or two of trying to eavesdrop, Mother Nature called and I turned back to the bathroom behind me. I took care of the necessity of an overfull bladder, then washed my hands and splashed cold water on my face, toweling the excess off before checking my reflection. The face I found reflected before me took my breath away, and would have literally put me on my ass had I not been holding onto the counter top with a death grip.

I was staring at myself, but it was my face from twenty years ago. No longer did I look like the thirty-five year old woman that I had been when I went to bed; instead, I was faced with the teenaged version of me. My skin was plump and firm, the crow's feet around my eyes gone and the lines of my forehead erased. My lips were pink and my cheeks again had that rosy glow that had been replaced by a sallow complexion from years of stress and worry (and the two-pack a day habit that I had picked up when I was in college). My hair was long and lustrous and was curling slightly behind me, and my eyes had that sparkle to them that I had all but forgotten about. It was the sparkle of an undefined life; the possibilities stretched out in front of me.

After ogling my reflections for who knows how long, I realized that not only had my face changed, but my body felt young again, too. I looked down and all by fell to my knees in thanks when I realized that I had my firm tummy and perky boobs back. Hello, girls! Nice to see you again! I stretched my arms behind me and was pleased that I didn't feel the ever-present crackling of vertebra and the resistance of out-of-use muscles that normally plagued my morning. I was young again! I didn't know what to do with this revelation – jump for joy or pray a fervent prayer in appreciation.

I got in the shower and quickly scrubbed myself clean, feeling invigorated beyond anything I could ever remember. After my shower, I went back to my room and rifled through the closet that held my clothes. When I dug through and found my all-time favorite pair of jeans, still with tags on them, hanging there amongst the band t-shirts I had another startling revelation. I remembered buying those jeans on a shopping trip to Port Angeles the day before I started eleventh grade. Renee had finally relinquished control over my wardrobe and let me pick out all the clothes that I would have to wear for the next year. This particular pair of jeans caught my eye almost immediately when we walked into JC Penney's. They were dark denim, straight legged, but what made them unique were the flowers that were just raised patterns woven into the denim. Charlie told me they looked like they were made from upholstery fabric and would look better covering a couch, but I loved them immediately and had decided that I would wear them the next day to school.

At that point, I realized that I was not just younger looking, but that I had somehow been transported back into my life to the first day of my junior year in high school. At this understanding, my breath once again left me. My baby! My sweet, precious Jacob was gone! I was in a time seventeen years before he was even conceived! How was I going to be able to face my life not knowing if I would ever get to see him again? I felt dizzy and flopped myself down on the side of my bed before the blackness that was threatening overwhelmed me. Images from his life kept flashing through my mind. The night I found out I was pregnant and woke Mike up at two a.m. He thought I had finally lost my mind from all the years of trying to conceive, but then we called all of our friends and parents and woke them up with the news. Then, the day we found out he was a boy. He was playing with his ear and sucking his thumb in my belly. The day he was born, the first time that I nursed him, the first time he called me "mommy", the way his little hands felt when he rubbed my arms in his sleep. A distraught sob tore its way from my chest and before I could recover I was curled up in a fetal position, gasping for air and sobbing uncontrollably.

I had calmed myself somewhat by the time Charlie came looking for me. I was still curled up on the bed, but I was no longer crying.

"Bella, sweetie. I know you hate change, but I'm sure you'll fit in just fine here. Everyone has been so accepting of us, I'm sure it will be the same with the kids at your school." He sat on the edge of the bed and was stroking my hair, trying to calm me. Little did he know. I _wish_ that I was only having a bout of new school jitters. "Your mom almost has breakfast ready. Come down and eat."

"I'm okay, Dad. I'll be down in a few minutes." I was startled to hear how young my voice sounded. I hadn't realized that it aged with the rest of my body until that moment. I sounded strange to my own ears.

I forced myself off the bed and pulled on my new/old jeans along with a pink t-shirt and a pair of Eastland boots. As an afterthought, I grabbed my umbrella, remembering from the first time I lived this day that even though the morning had started sunny, rain had been falling by lunchtime.

I ate breakfast with my parents. That was an experience. In my mind, my mom had died in 2006 of a stroke while on the way to the hospital to pick my dad up from heart surgery. It had been a horrible experience. I was hours away, my dad was recovering from surgery and there was no other family close enough to help. She had been revived by the paramedics, but had remained in a coma. It took my dad nearly two days to get the hospital staff to take her off of life support, arguing from his recovery bed and trying to get everything taken care of via phone. Now, sitting at the breakfast table with both of them, I was overwhelmed with joy. I had missed Renee terribly. She had gotten to meet Jacob, but just barely. He was only six months old when she died. And I had been too busy living my life to see her or Charlie more than every couple of years. The drive was too long, or Mike and I didn't have the money, or we couldn't afford to miss work long enough to make the trip.

I was watching Renee and Charlie talk quietly over their morning coffee, him showing her a comic, no doubt 'Garfield' as that one was her favorite, and them sharing a chuckle. I could feel my eyes getting misty as she turned and caught me staring.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing, Mom. I was just thinking about how happy you and Dad looked just then." I smiled at her and she returned it with a warm grin as she reached over and squeezed my hand.

I finished my breakfast in silence and placed my dishes in the sink. Charlie had left for work shortly after I came downstairs, so it was only Renee there to wish me a good day and see me off to school.

***

Pulling into Forks High School in my 1979 Ford Ranger gave new meaning to the phrase 'déjà vu'. I really _had_ been here before, and it was strange knowing how the day would go down. I was prepared for the obvious stares and the furtive whispers as I walked up the sidewalk toward the office. After receiving my schedule of classes, I made my way to English for first period. Walking into the classroom, I felt my eyes well up with tears and fought to blink them back before they escaped. I saw my dearest friend, Alice Cullen, sitting in the next-to-last row beside an empty seat that I knew would be mine for the rest of the year.

I hadn't seen Alice since graduation. Until that point, we had been inseparable from the day we met, today, actually, now that I thought about it. She was a tiny thing, five feet and one quarter inch. And, don't ever try to cheat her on that quarter inch because you will hear about it. Her black hair was cut at a diagonal so that the front came down to her chin, then angled up to the slope of her head, so short in the back that her neck was shaved. She had on a pair of black jeans that she had spent two hours decorating with paint pens the night before and a t-shirt proudly proclaiming her to be a member of the Class of '92. She was leaning back in her desk, her feet propped up on the book rack beneath the desk in front of her and her knees bouncing in an alternating rhythm. She looked like she was barely holding herself in the chair and would break free if she loosened her grip on the desktop.

After my ordeal with her brother, Edward, ended, we sort of drifted apart. It was too hard to be around her, because she reminded me so much of him. They were actually cousins by birth, but her parents had died when she was still in diapers and Edward's parents had taken her in. She had grown up as his sister and had so many of the same mannerisms that he possessed that just looking at her hurt me after he had left for Desert Storm. We had lost the closeness that we had shared and by the time high school came to a close for us, we were civil, but that's about it. Seeing her again brought back all those painful memories and I wondered for a second time this morning how I was going to be able to face this life knowing the pain that was to come.

I took my seat beside her, and as expected, she turned and offered me a huge smile and a tiny hand to shake. "Hi! I'm Alice Cullen. You must be Bella."

I shook the proffered hand and returned her smile. "I am. Nice to meet you, Alice. I just know that we're going to be great friends." I saw the twinkle in her eyes that I had missed for so many years, and I felt at ease for the first time since I woke up this morning.

The rest of the morning was uneventful. It was interesting to look back into the faces of the students that shared my classes. I had kept tabs on some of them through Facebook and MySpace, although I can't say that I'm friends with any of them now. It is cathartic in a way, to see that the life you have in high school doesn't really matter in the real world. I looked at the popular girls, Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, and snickered to myself thinking of how fat Jessica had gotten after she'd married and popped out two kids. And Lauren had been married and divorced three times already, rumor stating that her ego took up too much room in her bedroom for any man to hang around long. On the other hand, the geeks that blended into the background were doing incredibly well for themselves in my time. Angela Webber had gone on to law school after college and was now a patent attorney living in Washington, DC. Eric Yorkie had gotten into the dot com craze and had made a killing, getting out just before they all went bottom up. He was now working with Google.

By lunchtime, I was beginning to get over my nerves and the panicky feeling that had haunted me all morning. I walked quickly to the cafeteria after third period, hoping that I could get my food and get seated before everyone else had taken their seats. I knew where I was going – I would sit at the table that Alice and my former group of friends had staked out as their own. I'd let them come to me this time.

I grabbed a tray and an apple, a bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of Nacho Doritos then headed for the table by the window. I sat with my back to the window, facing the open cafeteria so that I could people watch. The first time through this day I had been so nervous that I couldn't think straight. I didn't have a chance to just observe. People watching had become somewhat of an obsession with me as I got older – you can learn an awful lot about a person by seeing how they act in a group. Immediately I could see that Lauren and Jessica were the queens of the school. They strutted in the room, side-by-side, through the double doors. They were dressed to impress with skirts that barely met the school's dress code, and white shirts that were cut deeply in the front. Jessica was in her typical color scheme of navy blue, while Lauren looked like Sharpay Evans from High School Musical – pink from head to toe, except for her blouse. Mean Girls had nothing on these two.

Next, Angela and Ben Cheney came in, members of the classic nerd social group. They were talking in hushed voices where everybody else was louder than normal. It was evident by the looks on their faces that they were crushing on each other but neither of them would have the guts to fess up to that until next year.

Next were Alice and her boyfriend, Jasper Whitlock. As far as I knew they were still together, happily married and living on a ranch somewhere in Montana. Jasper was tall and lanky, an obvious import from Texas with his dark blue Wrangler jeans, oversized belt buckle and Stetson hat. His tight white t-shirt showed off his sinewy muscles and left little to the imagination. Emmett Cullen, Edward & Alice's older brother, and Rosalie Hale were next. They had been voted Cutest Couple in the Forks High School yearbook since their freshman year. Now, as seniors, they would add the honor of Homecoming and Prom King and Queen. They were both beautiful. Rosalie was possibly the tallest girl in the school, but instead of coming off as awkward she always looked like she had just stepped down from a runway in Paris. Even her jeans were high fashion. Emmett was the star of the football team, tall, heavily muscled, but not in a gross 'I've been on steroids way'. However, it was his twinkling blue eyes and the dimples that shone every time he smiled that made him so stunning.

Finally, Edward came through the door. Seeing him again took my breath away. I had been looking for him all day, but this was the first time I'd laid eyes on him. I knew what to expect, and yet I was still struck dumb. His coppery hair was a mess as always, and I could see his green eyes gleaming in laughter at something Emmett had said. He was dressed in black Levi's that fit snuggly to his muscled thighs, a baby blue button up shirt and a pair of black high-top Converse. Chucky-T's before they were called that. Back when Converse were cool the first time. And he was the epitome of cool. I felt a chill run down my spine just from looking at him.

I watched as Edward and the rest of the group laughed and joked their way through the food line, and then smiled as Alice saw me sitting at 'their' table. She made her way over quickly and seemed quite pleased to introduce us. She set her tray down and then went to get some packets of ketchup for her fries. My eyes followed her briefly until I saw the one person that I had forgotten to look for today.

Mike Newton. My husband and the father of my precious son had come into the cafeteria just as I looked away from Alice's retreating figure. I had forgotten how cute he had been and felt terribly guilty for lusting over Edward just moments ago. Mike was still blonde in this time; his pretty hair had yet to darken with age. He was still slim and young, and I remembered why I had married him in the first place. He had been my savior when Edward and I broke up and seeing him like this reminded me of that spark we used to share.

Lost in my reverie, I didn't realize that Alice was back at the table, along with her siblings and friends. She was standing in front of me, hands on her hips, waiting for me to come back to the present.

"Bella? You in there, sweetie?" She snapped her fingers twice in front of my face and I smiled, blushing slightly at being caught spacing out.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry. I got lost there for a minute."

"First day in a new school. I completely understand." Her face held understanding. She began to introduce everyone to me and I had to concentrate to remember to act as if I'd never seen these people before. "Bella, I want you to meet everybody who matters in this school." She grinned at me again.

"This is Jasper. I know that he is incredibly fine and I realize that it will be difficult to refrain, but he belongs to me so keep your hot little hands off." She winked to let me know she was only pretending to be fierce. I knew her well enough to know that even if she was playing it off as a joke, she would fight to the death over Jazz.

"These two sickening love birds over here are Emmett Cullen, my stupid ass brother, and Rosalie Hale, his saint of a girlfriend. The girl has been offered angel wings from St. Peter himself for putting up with Emmett's shit for so long. It's a straight shot to sainthood from here." Emmett grumbled loudly and tried to pull Alice's hair for her comment, but Rosalie just smacked him in the back of the head with her open palm and his face fell like a little boy that had been put in time out.

At last, Alice introduced Edward. "Saving the best for last, Bella," she grinned at Edward who was openly staring at me now, "this is my other brother, Edward Cullen. He is the sweetest boy you will ever meet and has Emmett beaten by a mile in the big brother category." Alice turned and stuck her tongue out at Emmett and Edward placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently a couple of times in thanks.

Everyone else had gradually set their trays down and taken seats at the rectangular table, Edward sitting last across from me as Alice finished her introduction. He reached across the table and held his hand out to me. I reached for it and felt the familiar tingle start and he raised my hand to his lips. He softly kissed the back of hands before raising his sea green eyes to me. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I look forward to getting to know you better."

***


	3. Reflections

Author's Chapter Notes:

I own a vintage pair of size 27 guess jeans that will fit on my ass again one day, a pair of white roller skates with hot pink wheels and Michelle. I don't own Twilight, or an alarm clock for that matter.

***

The rest of the day was far less painful than it had been the first time through. My classes were altogether uneventful even considering the 'new girl' rumor mill that was currently running amuck. I was still being whispered about and stared at unashamedly by my classmates, but for some reason it didn't bother me. Maybe it was the fact that I had faced this embarrassment before, or maybe it was because in my mind I was still a thirty-five year old woman which the teenage angst brigade couldn't bother anymore.

When school let out, I took my trusty umbrella (it was pouring) and trudged through the school parking lot to my truck. The reason why I had ever let Charlie and Renee talk me into driving this hunk was beyond me. The old part I could handle… But the fact that it said 'Official Truck of the Indianapolis 500 mile Race, October 1979' on both doors was particularly humiliating. And I knew now, without a doubt, that the first time I would drive it through the McDonald's drive thru, it would backfire through the carburetor and have flames shooting from under the hood. _Joy_.

I made it home and with only a curt greeting to Renee, hurried to my room. I was still shocked to once again see her face, and for a moment it left me a little breathless.

In the solace of my bedroom, I curled up on my bed and replayed the day in my mind. Seeing Edward again was strange. The last time I had seen him was in 1993 at a Taco Bell. It was the first time I'd seen him since he had returned from the war, and I had to fight the urge to run over and throw my arms around him. I had felt a similar desire today in the cafeteria, even though it would have been wholly inappropriate in both cases. He was so _beautiful_- how his emerald eyes twinkled, the way his muscles moved under his shirt, even the glimmer the fluorescent light made in his hair. _Sigh_.

And then there was Mike. He and I had met officially when I was on a date with his best friend, Tyler Crowley, a month or two after Edward and I had split. We had immediately struck up a friendship despite the fact that he was dating someone at the time, and often times the four of us would double date, just enjoying hanging out as a group. Tyler and I were never serious – he was just a way for me to distract myself from the pain of losing Edward. Mike and I had stayed friends, of sorts, after Tyler and I had stopped seeing each other. My aching heart wasn't ready for any kind of committed relationship, and I think Mike understood that from the beginning. After all, most of Forks knew about my break up and how hard it had hit me. He was happy being my go-to guy when I needed a shoulder to cry on or an encouraging pep talk.

Mike had looked good today.

My life had become such a mundane thing, and I blamed the bulk of it on Mike. All of the difficult parts of our marriage, my lack of self-esteem for instance, were his fault entirely.

Looking at him now, through the eyes of experience, I could see that we had both equally pulled each other down. He had a similar fire in his eyes, one that matched, if not rivaled, the one I had found in the mirror this morning. Remembering his teenage face from earlier today, I felt a tug at my heartstrings. I was beginning to miss him a little.

Then there was my Jacob. He had been firmly placed at the back of my mind the whole day, even though I knew that if I stopped to dwell on him I would break down. And after all, that was never a good to start the first day at a new school. Now, alone in my room, I allowed myself to recall, however painfully, thoughts of him. Would I ever get my sweet baby back? He had become the reason I got out of bed in the morning…

Mike and I had tried for almost ten years to get pregnant. I had been through every fertility test known to man and had tried drugs and procedures of all kinds short of in-vitro. I had all but given up when I found out I was pregnant. When Jacob was born, something inside of me changed. Before becoming a mother, if someone had told me that my entire being would be fundamentally altered by giving birth, I would have laughed at them. I mean, how could having a baby change who I was? But, it was so true. I could easily see now how a mother could commit murder to save her child. The thought of someone hurting my baby made me viciously angry and I understood. I _would_ kill if it meant protecting him. My routine, of course, changed, but I didn't resent it. Getting up at the butt-crack of dawn didn't bother me like it did pre-Jake. It was just part of having him in my life.

My heart hurt thinking of him. I was flooded with thoughts as common-place as the way he smelled right after his bath, of watermelon shampoo and boy, which had always been a soothing balm to me. When he would let me, I would hold him and breathe him in, and I always knew after that, that everything would be right with the world. When he was getting tired, he would crawl up in my lap and pull the neck of my shirt down so he could lie on the bare skin of my chest. 'Mommy, I need to feel your skin,' he would tell me. His little head fit perfectly under my chin and I would gladly hold him there forever if he would let me. I loved the sounds of his giggles when Mike would tickle him, now, they echoed in my mind, and I wished I could have him with me again.

A soft knock on my bedroom door jarred me from my reverie. Renee peeked in quietly, a concerned look on her face the moment she saw me crying.

"Oh, sweetie… Are you ok? Did something happen at school?" She motioned for me to scoot over on the bed so she could sit beside me.

"No. I just miss home." It was the truth, although it wasn't the home she thought I meant.

"I know, baby. But I'm sure you'll make friends here quickly and it won't seem so bad. At least the first day is over, right?" She smiled her gentle smile and brushed my hair back from my face. "Roll over and I'll rub your back for a bit, 'kay?"

I rolled over on my stomach, facing the wall, and let her rub my back. When I was a little girl, she would do that whenever I wasn't feeling well. There was something about my mother's warm hand gently running along my back that would cure everything from an upset stomach to a broken heart. It wasn't enough to erase the pain in my heart this time, but it went a long way towards mulling the sting. She hummed a familiar lullaby and soon I felt myself drifting toward darkness.

I awoke some time later and was disoriented again. The light in my room had changed and I realized that it was now dark outside and the faint light from my desk lamp was the only illumination. I smelled onions and garlic and immediately my stomach started growling. I remembered that smell. _My mom's spaghetti_. Renee would never be considered an awesome cook, but she managed. However, she had a few 'specialties' that were surpassed by no one and spaghetti was one of those specialties. Her sauce had become somewhat famous in our old neighborhood and she had taken to canning it during the summer when fresh tomatoes were abundant, and selling the jars she didn't have room to store. She would spend all day cooking the sauce, using only fresh ingredients (no dried spices would have ever made their way into her sauce) and she would lovingly stir and simmer until the whole house smelled like an Italian bistro.

Her arthritis had gotten so bad in the last few years of her life that she could no longer grind the tomatoes and chop the oregano, and in her eyes it wasn't worth doing if she couldn't do it right, so the spaghetti sauce at her house had started coming from the grocery store…Hunt's in a can. Now, sitting here on my bed, smelling my mom's homemade spaghetti sauce wafting up the stairs, I was overcome with the desire to spend time with her again. And of course, stuff myself to the eyeballs with pasta goodness.

Pushing my melancholy mood to the back of my mind for the moment, I jumped out of bed and all but ran down the stairs. Sure enough, Renee was standing in the kitchen, spooning the simmering sauce into a pot of freshly drained noodles. Garlic bread was piled in a bowl on the table, and the plates were stacked with forks on top of them. I quickly finished setting the table and then put ice in glasses and poured us all a round of sweet tea. A throw back from Renee's Mississippi roots, dinner at our house wasn't complete without sweet tea.

"Hon, dinner is ready. Get washed up," Renee yelled at Charlie, who was, as usual, immersed in some sports channel in the living room.

Dinner was as it had always been. Charlie talked about his day at the station, Renee talked about the women she had met at the charity of the day (today it was the Junior Auxiliary), and I talked about school. Nevertheless, it was a dinner that I knew without a doubt, I would never forget. I was with both of my parents again and we were happy.

After we finished dinner, I cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher, then excused myself to my room to work on my homework. As I was beginning to get tired after reading the same paragraph of American History for the third time and still not feeling it sink in, I heard the phone ring downstairs, and then Renee calling my name.

I hustled down the stairs and answered, "Hello?" I couldn't imagine who would be calling me. I hadn't given my phone number to anyone at school, since I couldn't even remember it myself.

"Bella? This is Alice Cullen." I should have guessed.

"Hi, Alice. What's up?"

"Nothing, really. I hope you don't mind me calling."

"No, I don't mind. I needed a break anyway. I'm trying to get through the first two chapters that Mr. White assigned us today, but my brain just isn't cooperating." I pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, stretching the phone cord over to reach me. I knew from experience that conversations with Alice required one to get comfortable.

"Look, I know we just met, but I was wondering if you'd like to go shopping with me this weekend. I usually drag Rosalie along, but she and Emmett are going hiking or some shit, and she bailed on me. Don't get me wrong, I would have asked you anyway. I don't want you to think that you were my last resort or anything..." Her voice was getting squeaky as she began to run out of breath.

"Breathe, Alice. I'd be glad to go with you. Like I told you earlier, I just know that we're going to be friends, so why put off the inevitable?" I smiled into the phone, knowing that she would be grinning from ear to ear on the other end.

"Awesome, Bella! I want to go to Port Angeles. I'll get my brother to drive us, if that's ok?" She posed it as a question, but I knew from past experience that she would rather walk than be seen in my truck.

We talked for another forty-five minutes before I finally begged my way off, saying that I had to get some sleep. In the span of the conversation, I had been brought up to date on all the juicy gossip at Forks High. Of course, I already knew it, but I 'oohed' and 'awwed' at the appropriate places and really, it was nice to talk to Alice again.

I got ready for bed as per my usual routine, and fully expected to have to will myself to sleep. Surprisingly though, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

***

The rest of the week went by fairly quickly, as I fell into an easy routine. The classes I was taking weren't hard, but honestly, the first time through them I hadn't paid attention. Back then, I had big plans to become a manicurist. If Mike hadn't talked me into going to college, the thought probably never would have occurred to me. Knowing now that paying attention in high school actually _did_ make a difference, I was determined to do things a little different.

By the time the weekend rolled around, I was itching to get away for a while… If I was being honest with myself, I wanted to spend some time with Alice and her 'brother'.

Saturday morning arrived in typical Forks fashion – overcast and chilly. I dressed in a pair of men's Levi's 501 jeans that I had bought at a flea market in Phoenix, and a Spuds MacKenzie t-shirt that I had begged Renee to buy for me. I grabbed a denim jacket and my purse, heading out to the porch and waiting for fate to come get me.

When Edward and Alice pulled up to my house at eight a.m., I realized that somewhere within the last week I must have inadvertently changed my past. What tipped me off? The fact that the first time this day had happened, Edward had not brought a date along. I tried desperately to conceal the shock on my face when I realized that the face in the passenger seat of Edward's Volvo did not belong to Alice. I recovered quickly and made my way to join my friend in the back seat of her brother's car.

As we were backing out of the driveway, Edward caught my eye in the rearview mirror. I must have still looked a little confused as he finally introduced the other person in the car.

"Bella, this is Michelle. I'm sorry, I forget that you don't know everyone at school like the rest of us." He gave me a sheepish smile before continuing, "Michelle, this is Bella. She just moved here from Phoenix."

"Nice to meet you, Michelle." I managed to mumble, semi-intelligently. This day was supposed to be the day that Edward began to see me as girlfriend material… He was most definitely not supposed to be on a date! What in the world had I changed? I tried desperately to think back over the last week and still, could come up with nothing that would have altered the course of my future so drastically. At this point, there was little I could do but go along with it, so I tried my best to act like it was no big deal. After all, to the rest of the parties in the car, I had only known Edward for a week, so there was no reason for me to be feeling possessive.

The drive to Port Angeles was quiet on the conversation front. I think Alice was a little put off with Edward bringing a date as well, especially since Jasper had opted to stay home. I noticed that she was glaring daggers at Michelle's back whenever she wasn't looking, and I made a mental note to myself to ask her about it when we had a moment alone.

On several occasions, I found myself staring at Edward's reflection in the rearview mirror. The first time I had lived this day, I remembered being caught up in his beauty and jittery when he spoke to me. I didn't have those same nerves today, yet I was still anxious. We were supposed to have a connection, and I was surprised at how much it hurt me that he didn't seem to feel the same this time around. He caught me staring as we neared Port Angeles and there was a moment of clarity. His eyes softened with emotion briefly in response to the bewilderment that was certainly written on my face, but then his gaze hardened again and the moment was lost.

Edward pulled into a strip mall that housed a couple of clothing stores that I recognized, and a consignment shop that Alice swore had some great deals. She all but jumped out of the car as soon as we were in the parking lot, grabbing my arm and hauling me out with her, not waiting for Edward and Michelle to follow. I quickly got the impression Alice wanted to be away from them as badly as I did.

In the first store we stopped in, the little pixie randomly grabbed a handful of items off of the racks and started pushing me toward the dressing rooms in back, occasionally looking over her shoulder, watching to see if our entourage had followed. When the sales clerk finally let us in one of the locked rooms, she threw the clothes on the bench and huffed herself down beside them.

"Bella, I don't know what the hell his problem is! This was supposed to be me and you today… and he was just going to drive us around. He agreed to it! Then this morning on the way to your house he up and decides to bring this girl along. I didn't even know he was dating anybody. You know, he introduced her to me as his girlfriend! I thought we were close!? How come he never told me he had a girlfriend? I'm supposed to know these things! And did you look at her? She hangs around with Lauren Mallory of all people and she's such a skank! I can't believe he would even be interested in somebody like that!" She was gasping for breath by the time her tirade came to an end, her little body shaking with barely controlled anger.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting it either, if that helps. I don't know Edward very well, but Mallory's group doesn't exactly seem like the type that he would want to spend his time with. Who knows what he's thinking…"

"Well, I don't like it, and I don't have to talk to her." She folded her arms and stomped her feet a little, looking every bit the part of a pissed off four year old, I tried with no avail to stifle my impending giggles.

When she glared at me, I couldn't control it any longer and fell into a full-out fit of laughter. "I'm sorry, Alice. You should have seen the way you looked just then. I'm not laughing at you, I promise." I was the one gasping for breath now.

"Just for that, Isabella," I flinched at the use of my full name, considering she knew how much I detested it, "you will be my Bella Barbie for the rest of the day. I get to dress you up and do your makeup when we get home, too. No argument." She was pouting again and I had to fight to keep from breaking down again.

"Ok, Alice. I'll play dress up with you, but don't think it's going to become a habit," I agreed without complaint.

The day was spent between shopping and trying to avoid Edward and Michelle. We met up briefly for lunch, and then went our separate ways again, agreeing to meet back at the car at four. By the time four o'clock rolled around, I had a pretty decent addition to my wardrobe and Alice was loaded with bags. The drive home was a little more animated than the previous drive, but Alice and I tended to keep the conversation between ourselves, only including the front seat when we were directly addressed by one of them.

We decided to celebrate my first week in Forks by going to the skating rink that night, immediately after Bella Barbie time, of course. I hadn't thought about skating in years and the prospect had me all but giddy with anticipation. From Christmas, 1983, when my mom bought me my first pair of roller skates, I had spent the majority of my Friday and Saturday nights at the skating rink. Unlike most of the girls I knew, I didn't go to hang out with boys, play pool, or flirt. Instead, I went to skate. I would get out on the wooden floor the minute I got there and would stay until it was time to leave. Although I would be left red-faced and breathless, the feeling of the wind whipping my hair back was exhilarating and I wouldn't trade that time for anything else.

Alice dressed me in a pair of navy blue, Guess jeans and a pink tank top. She managed to add volume to my hair which now reached up to epic heights, and then proceeded to spray a half can of White Rain on it just to keep it in place. My make-up was just as expressive, dark eye shadow and shimmery lip gloss. Alice was dressed in classic Alice-wear, a pair of jeans with hand-drawn flowers down the legs and an oversize navy t-shirt tied at the waist and cut in diagonal strips to reveal a silver tank top underneath. Her hair was complete with a pink stripe down the front of her bangs.

We arrived at the rink just before seven and it was packed with kids from Forks High and some bronze-skinned kids from La Push. Van Halen's 'Jump' was blaring from speakers placed at each corner of the wooden floor, and I was itching to get out on the floor and work out some pent up energy. Alice and I quickly changed into our skates, stowing our shoes under the short benches in the corner.

We fell into an easy arrangement where I skated backwards facing Alice as we glided effortlessly around in an oval. We talked the entire time, but mostly about her and Jasper. It was then that she described in perfect detail the dress that she had designed for prom. A junior getting invited to Prom was a big deal in Forks, and she was rightfully excited.

I was remembering Alice's prom dress to the very last detail as she described it to me. It had been an elaborate number in pink satin, covered in sequins and rhinestones. She had worked for months to sew all of the embellishments onto the dress in a paisley pattern, but the final result was stunning and she had looked like royalty next to Jasper in his black tux.

I was lost in my memories when I noticed a shock of bronze hair walk in the door. Edward was here, with Michelle in tow. This was different too, from my memories. The first time this night occurred, Edward hadn't shown up until much later and had come with Jasper. As Jasper stole Alice and skated off into the sunset, Edward had turned to me and we had ended up talking for the rest of the night.

I was getting rather frustrated at the turn of events and wasn't paying much attention to things around me when I heard Alice's frantic voice.

"Bella, look out!"

I turned around just in time to see a little boy of about eight years old step out onto the floor, directly in my path. I didn't have time to swerve completely and miss him, and he was obviously very wobbly on his feet. In an effort to avoid the inevitable collision that would no doubt hurt him more than I, I attempted to jump over his tiny form. I cleared his head with no problem, but when I landed, my foot twisted in an awkward position and I came down hard on my right knee. I heard a tearing sound and felt a stab of pain shoot through my leg.

Alice was at my side in an instant and she helped me hobble to the edge of the rink and sit down at one of the round tables there. I could feel warm blood oozing down my pant leg and I looked down to see that my new jeans were torn at the knee. Alice ran to the drink counter to get a wet washcloth to help me get cleaned up, and came back with the owner of the rink. I was shaking profusely from the pain and adrenaline and was little help when they tried to get close to the wound to clean it. My jeans were torn, but not far enough to expose much of my skin, and the legs of the jeans were simply too tight to push up to my knee. Both women returned to the counter to look for scissors when I finally came to my wits and realized that Edward was walking toward me. Michelle was leaning against a pool table in the corner giving me the stink eye, but at this point romance, let alone Michelle, was the last thing on my mind.

Edward came over to me, and kneeled in front of the seat where I was sitting. He saw the washcloth in my hand and must have instantaneously realized the extent of the situation. Without a word, he gently place one hand on the back of my injured leg and grabbed the torn denim in the other and yanked hard causing the tear to open several inches. He then took the wet cloth and applied it tenderly to my knee, trying to quell the bleeding. When fresh blood quit flowing, he gingerly wiped dried blood from around the area. Alice had returned with Neosporin, gauze and some first aid tape, and she quietly handed it to Edward who applied the bandage.

He pulled a piece of tape out and tore it with his teeth, looking into my eyes with some emotion I couldn't quite place. In the moment when our eyes met, I was lost in the sensation of completeness that being with Edward brought. The rest of the world seemed to disappear and we were right again... The warmth of his hand seeped through even the denim of my jeans and spread outward, filling my body. It had been more than twenty years since we had touched, but my body remembered him and responded accordingly. My breath came in shallow gasps and I felt my cheeks redden with the warmth of the blush spreading across my face. I was certain that he felt it too, as his eyes lost focus and his breathing became labored as well.

Our moment was stolen from us when Alice reappeared and took the seat beside me. She grabbed my still shaking hand as Edward finished taping me up. Gathering the first aid supplies, he promised me a drink and headed over to the counter before I could argue.

When Edward came back, he seated himself on the other side of me, looking very concerned. He handed me a Dr. Pepper in a white Styrofoam cup, then proceeded to remove the straw from its paper wrapper before punching it through the lid.

"Bella, that was a crazy stunt you pulled, but I'd hate to think what would have happened if you didn't have such good reflexes." There was a hint of laughter in his eyes, but I was still a little too shaken up to laugh at myself.

"I'm just glad I didn't hurt him. Thank you for cleaning me up. I don't handle dealing with my own wounds very well. Blood makes me shaky." I tried to smile at him, but my face felt stiff.

"I would say it was my pleasure, but seeing you hurt and bleeding is far from enjoyable for me. I am glad I could help, though. Are you going to be ok?"

"Yes, I'll be fine, but I don't think I'll be skating much more tonight." I had all but forgotten about Alice and Michelle until that moment. I looked up and saw Michelle staring at us and the look in her eyes was nothing short of murderous. "Edward, I think your girlfriend is a little upset about me stealing you away from her."

"She'll live," he stated dryly, not even bothering to look over his shoulder in her direction. "I told her I didn't feel like playing pool, but she insisted. She can deal with it."

The rest of the evening was spent with me sitting at the table nursing the never-ending supply of Dr. Pepper that Edward kept getting for me. Alice would skate some when a song she liked came on, but otherwise she kept me company as well. It wasn't exactly what I would consider a great night, but the fact that Edward completely ignored his girlfriend in order to sit with me made my heart swell.

***

When Alice dropped me off at home that night, Renee carried on about my injury as any mother would, then ushered me off to bed. I fell asleep immediately and dreamt once again of emerald eyes, gentle smiles, and the velvety voice of the boy I was falling in love with all over again.

***

For those of you who don't remember/aren't old enough to know about the cultural references, here's some links/definitions:

Desert Storm was the Iraqi war that was started under the first President Bush. Operation Desert Shield came first, in August 1990, I believe, and it was a defensive mission to prevent Iraq from invading Saudi Arabia. When that mission was unsuccessful, fighting began in January of 1991 and the name was changed to Operation Desert Storm.

Spuds MacKenzie was a dog created for ads for Bud Light in the 80's. The character became so popular that a merchandizing craze ensued. I hate to say that I was victim to their charms, even though I was nowhere near old enough to drink. Here's a link for your enjoyment J ..

And, of course, I can't forget Bella's skating rink hair: .com/fashion/pictures/9L/66/5966_ (this is Cindy Crawford, but typical 80's hairstyle)

This is Alice's hair, except with pink instead of blue: ./2413/2127973854_dd0997c218_.

Also, the name Teenage Angst Brigade is Jandco's. I just borrowed it.


End file.
